Isang araw…

“Ayos ito…”

“Okay pala ito… kelan kaya kukuha si Boss… Atat kasi sa Sinanju, eh wala pa nga…”

Nori : “Red, mukhang busy ka dyan, anu ba yan?”

Red : “Uncle, kaw pala… bagong comics, Sangokuden daw…”

Nori : “You’re reading this crap?”

Red : “Uncle… This is a good read… halika may papakita ako syo… stash ni Bossing…”

Red : “Uncle… these, are the good stuff…”

Nori : “You call this good?…”

Red : “Uncle patulong ibaba natin… Isa ito sa paborito ni Bossing, Pugad Baboy by Pol Medina…”

Nori : “Mukhang maganda nga ito… Sige nga subukan nating i-try…”

Red : “Tignan mo… astig naman di ba?… may social humor sabi nga nila…”

Nori : “Mukhang maganda nga… ayos din… but still, parang hesitant pa rin ako…”

Nori : “Red… Red… Red… ok nga ito mga binabasa mo, but this is not the reading material for you… come on let me show something… something good!”

Red : “Weeh…”

Nori : “My dear nephew, up there on the box is ‘THE’ the reading material…”

Red : “hmmm… try natin ibaba yung box…”

Red : “Uncle, sigurado ka ba sa pinaggagawa natin?”

Nori : “Wag ka nang magreklamo… tulungan mo na lang ako, ang bigat eh…”

Nori : “This is what I call reading material… ”

Red : ” Hindi ko alam na meron ganito si Boss…”

Red : “Yes! Angel Locsin… Salamat Uncle!”

Nori : “See… what did I told you!”

Red : “Ayos talaga ito… Simpleng Manyak din kasi itong si Bossing minsan…”

Nori : “Alam ko maliban sa FHM, may Maxim pa sya na cover si Kaye Abad at meron din syang Playboy Philippines at Playboy International… kapag nakita ko kung saan nakatago yun, sasabihin ko din syo…”

“The Best ka talaga Uncle! Ikasa mo!”…

1. When you have forgotten someone’s name,simply say: “I’m sorry, but what was your name one more time?”. They may act offended, but when they give you their first name, you simply reply, “No, i meant your last name.”(more socially acceptable to forget). Bingo, first & last name.

2. Lift yourself a little off the toilet if noise is a concern & you’re having a particularly gaseous bowel movement. The volume will decrease at least 50-60%.

3. Instead of using Ctrl+Alt+Del to pull up your Task Manager, use Ctrl+Shift+Esc. Many contemporary systems have an extra screen with “lock computer”, “change password”, etc. for Ctrl+Alt+Del combination, but using Ctrl+Shift+Esc pulls up the task manager directly.

4. Match voice volume with someone you’re speaking with, if they speak fast you speak fast, if they speak softly you speak softly. It’s a subtle way to quickly become “in sync” with someone else.

5. If you make eye contact with a hot girl, don’t be the first one to break eye contact. It’s a game, & you will lose when you look away first. It takes some practice for this to not feel awkward, but a subtle smile can earn you bonus points. Also, in this day & age i think it’s safe to say that girls who expose their cleavage want it to be noticed. Take a glance or two but don’t be greedy.

6. If your shoes smell from foot odor,treat your feet, not your shoes.

7. Honesty is a virtue. You’ll gain more respect if you’re always honest with your dealings. Don’t waste your own time dealing with dishonest people.

8. If you were alive in 2006, you are one of the many recipients of Time Magazine’s Person of the Year Award. In 2006, Time Magazine gave “Everyone” the award while making their cover as close to a mirror as possible. Be sure you mark it on your resume.

9. If someone is attacking you from very close range & you can’t get away, never throw a punch. You may want to use your other hand to grab the back of their head & pull them towards you as you swing with your elbow. Otherwise, you won’t get either the hitting surface or the power needed to actually hurt them & no one likes being hit in the nose.

10. For essays with minimum page requirement, if you finish your paper & realize that what you wrote is a shy of the minimum requirement, Ctrl F your paper
& search for “.” and then change the font size of the periods from 12 to 14. They are the exact same size, but it causes the paper to be significantly longer.

11. Fast toilet cleaning: pour 20oz of coke(or sprite) into your toilet, let sit for 10 minutes, flush. The acid will clean your bowl.

12. Find a genre of novels that interests you & spend some time reading. It will expand your vocabulary & improve your grammar.

13. Default installations of Windows XP Home have an unpassworded administrator account. Press Ctrl+Alt-Del twice on the login screen & you’ll be taken to one where you can enter any username – put in “Administrator”, no password & you’re in.

14. Be selfless. Put others before yourself. Not only it is personally rewarding, it is often reciprocated. Be nice! Open doors for people. Let people turn when driving. Hold out chairs for people, etc.

15. rainymood.com & simplynoise.com are the cheat codes for studying/working without distraction.

16. Be careful when someone asks you about religion. Few ask out of genuine curiosity; most who bring out the subject can’t stand the thought that others disagree with them, & feel the need to confirm that others agree with them & convert anyone who doesn’t. Either way no useful conversation will
result. A similar rule applies to politics.

17. If your drive stick & the battery is dead, get some friends, put the key to the on position, put the car in 2nd & push the clutch down. Have your friends push your car. When you get a decent speed going, let the clutch up(this is called “Popping the clutch”). Your car will start & you can drive around for a while to recharge your battery(provided nothing is wrong with battery or the alternator).

18. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, repeat until orgasm.

19. If you spill any liquid(red wine, juice, etc.) that will stain your carpet, pour some salt on it. Work it into the carpet – just rub it in with your hands. Leave it there for a few hours (for serious stains, up to a day), & vacuum it out. Voila, stain gone.

20.Make a woman happy & she’ll make your life incredible.

21. Cut negative people out of your life.

22. If you are driving an unfamiliar car & you don’t know which side the gas tank is on, just look at the little pump icon next to the gas gauge on the dashboard. The pump handle on the icon will be on the side of the tank.

23. 1st Date Cheat Code for Men: Never tell a girl where you’re going or how to dress. Instead, tell her to “Dress for a first date with a guy she really likes”.

Now, pick three places you’d like to go:
1. some place fun & active(bowling, pool, mini golf, go-kart racing, ballgame, etc.)
2. something romantic & classy(nice restaurant, upscale lounge, art gallery opening) & 3. something in between (nice bar, coffee shop, comedy club).

Now, when you pick her up, let the way she’s dressed decide which you’re going to do:
If she’s wearing something sexy & revealing(dress, high heels, low cut top, etc.), then she wants to go somewhere classy & romantic. If she’s sporting
some jeans, tennis shoes or flip flops, & a tee, the bowling ally or pool hall may be a good bet. If she’s wearing jeans, high heeled boots, & nice top or blouse, then she’s not really jonesing for the super romance treatment, & she put in more effort than mini golf deserves (eighteen holes of mini golf in heels…. seriously?), so a comedy club or some place with live music is a good choice.

And never, EVER, do a movie on the first date!

Men, you’re going to wear a pair of CLEAN, NEAT jeans, a pressed stylish down shirt , nice shoes(try to avoid tennis shoes or sneakers). Works for ANY occasion!

24. If you get brain freeze from eating cold too quickly, press your tongue against the roof of your mouth as hard as you can. Voila, instant brain freeze relief.

25. If you need to be sick for something publicly, eat about half a cigarette. You’ll get sweaty dizzy pale clammy & all around you’ll look & feel very sick. In about 20min after eating, you’ll aggressively vomit everything you’ve eaten & expel the tobacco that’s making you sick. A dramatic, but effective way to prove sickness.

Polgas's Clarification...

Polgas just want to emphasize that “Pugad Baboy” was released a decade before “Family Guy”

Useful Tips...

Useful Tips…

Yes Madam…

Posted: February 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

Four months ago… Umalis ako sa pakipag-usap at nagpunta sa pakikinig… Masaya ako kasi, una, no more calls! no more CST! no more RR! no more EPIX!, at pangalawa, makakasama ko sya! Mali pala ako! Mag-calls pa rin pala ko ng 2 days a week! Sayang!

Pero natuwa talaga ako kasi sa mahigit na 4 months na hindi kami nag-uusap at nag-iiwasan, sa wakas, magkakatrabaho ulit kami, just like giving me another chance, at lalo pa akong natuwa nung nalaman ko na I’m one of their choices for the position.

I took the “trial peroid”… 3 days audit, 2 days call… the first few weeks are tough! 1st, binigyan lang ako ng 30min crash course. 2nd, binigay lang sa aking yung audit form at bahala na ko! 3rd, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko! at last, kapag nagtatanong ako hindi ako masagot ng ayos… Feeling ko, napadaan lang ako par bumili ng suka tapos pinag-auddit na… Naiinis talaga ako sa pressure na binigay sa akin… they want me to do things that I don’t know what and how to do! Ni-wala nga akong access sa ibang gamit! Pero hindi naman ako iniwan ni madam, yun lang lagi nakasigaw!

Dumating ang panahon na dapat nang tapusin ang “trial period”… Pinag-a-apply na yung iba… sa totoo lang, nagdalawang isip ako, naghalo yung personal feeling ko sa trabaho… Kinausap ko mga malalapit na kaibigan, sinabihan na sila na lang ang mag-apply, pero ayaw nila! Ako na lang daw! Naisip ko tama sila, hindi pinag-hahalo ang personal na nararamdaman sa trabaho, tsaka pano ko mapapatunayan sa sarili ko na naka-get over na ko kung hindi ko sya kayang harapin… So nag-apply ako at naging formal ang aking position…

First few weeks are not only tough! Its a living hell! Presured na presured ako sa Boss, sa Sup at lalo na kay madam! Grabe ang pukpok sa akin ni madam, taas ng expectation nya, at tuwing hindi ko na-me-meet nasisigawan ako! nadale ako sa MOC! or nakakarecieve ako ng email na masahol pa sa IR… May mga pagkakataon pa nga nagsisigawan kami na sa sobrang lakas natatameme ang mga agents… Umabot pa nga sa point na kinausap ako ng boss ko, na gawan ko ng paraan yung pagtatalo namin kasi naririnig ng mga agent, kung hindi ko daw kayang gawan ng paraan sya na daw ang makikialam… Sabi ko naman ako bahala! kaya ko ito! pero deep inside “kakayanin ko ito… huhuhu”

Umabot ako sa puntong pinagsisihan ko kung bakit tinanggap ang position na ito… Umabot pa sa puntong naisipin ko na ginagantihan lang ako nito… Pero noong minsan akong sumama sa business review, nakita ko ang kakaibang madam… malayo sa nakikita ng karamihan… doon naitindihan ko yung pressure na nakpatong sa kanya… pressure na hindi inaasahan natanggap noong nawala yung dating kasama nya… presure na kailangan nyan igapang ang buong account ng mag-isa lang sya… doon ko naitinddihan kung bakit ganun nya ako pukpokin! kung bakit nya ako banatan ng ganun! Sa puntong yung nagbago talaga ang tingin ko sa kanya… at mula noong sinabi ko sa sarili na pagbubutihan ko ang ginagawa at ginawa nyang lahat yun para na rin sa ikabubuti at ikakaayos ko! Pinupukpok nya ako kasi ayaw na ayaw nya may kumwe-kwestyon kung bakit ako ang napili… ayaw na sinisigawan ako ng mga kasamahan namin… ayaw ng sinasabihan ako na puro ako sablay… ang gusto nya mag-excel ako para maipamukha sa mga kasamahan namin na nararapat ako sa trabahong ito! Minsan tuloy naisip ko “buti na lang hindi naging kami, kung hindi matutulad ako sa kakilala ko na nabubuhay lamang sa likod ng sucess ng kanyang katuawang…”

Lumipas ang mga araw, nagtatalo pa rin kami pero hindi na madalas… in fact ang laki ng pinag-bago nya mula noong nag-umpisa ako… hindi ko mapaliwanag, basta! kahit mga ibang tao nakapansin na ang laki ng pinagkaiba ng pagtrato nya sa akin… tsaka natuto syang makinig, hehehe… kapag alam nyan tama ako at wala sya maibanat mag-“nyenyenyenye” gesture na sya sabay dila or hampas or sipa sa akin… sweet nya noh!… until recently na nag-aaway na naman kaming parang bata… anu magagawa ko ganun kami! away-bati-bati-away… ganyan lang ang buhay, mas bullshit naman kung hindi kayo magkontrahan di ba! Naisip ko nga, kaya siguro inaaway ako nito kasi aalis na ako, siguro ma-mi-miss nya ko! bwahehehe… ASA!

Gusto ko lang talagang magpasalamat sa kanya.. para sa lahat! kahit hindi pansin minsan, ang dami kong natutunan… akala nya kasi binabalewala ko sya, akala nya wala akong natutunan, akala nya hindi ko na-appreciate mga ginawa nya… kung alam lang nya… ganito lang talaga kasi ang image ko, laid-back na pasaway! Anyway, salamat ulit sa kanya… sana ganito na langs lagi tayo… magkasundo!

😛

Holiday in Goa…

Posted: September 28, 2011 in From Me

“Holiday in Goa” is an Indian movie in 2006… so anu ngayon?

sa India, talamak pa rin talaga ang fixed marriage, you have to marry the partner your parents chose for you. Bad trip di ba! sa story kasi, yung bidang babae ay naka-set na para sa isang fixed marriage and they are scheduled ikasal after ng graduation nya ng college. During her first few years in college, she met a man, that later on, she fell in love with… They love each other but they cant be together dahil bwakanang fixed marriage na yan… What the girl did was, she said to her parents that she needs a month vacation with her friends beacuse college was so exhausting… pinayagan naman sya ng parents nya at yung mapapangasawa nya pa ang gumastos… but instead of going to Mumbai, pumunta sila sa Goa, sya lang at yung lalakeng mahal nya… They spend their holidays in Goa for a month. Pagbalik nila biglang nagbago yung babae, itinuring nyang mortal na kaaway yung lalake, ayaw nya itong makita, ayaw nay itong maka-usap at kung anu-anong masasamang salita ang sinabi nito sa lalake… Halos mabaliw yung lalake at noong nakita nyang kinasal na ang babaeng kanyang pinakamamahal, hindi na nya kinaya yung sakit at nagpakamatay ito… after few weeks nabalitaan ito nung girl… all through out pala, ginawa lang yung ng girl para umiwas na yung lalake kasi nasasaktan ito tuwing nakikta at naiisip nya yung lalake… sa sakin, nagpakamatay din yung babae…

Very tragic noh!?! pero it happens, hindi naman ganyan ka tragic or hindi naman fixed marriage, but believe me it happens… Nangyari sa akin eh! Days before my daughter greeted the world hello, my Holiday in Goa happened. Hindi naman isang buong buwan, isang buong gabi lang. Although it didn’t when well, i’m glad that it happened, at least kahit papano nagka-usap kami and we had some sort of closure, sort of…

What I’ve learned? Everything has its purpose… my Holiday in Goa made me realize na kung anuman meron ako ngayon, anuman ang pakkikitungo nya sa akin, anuman ang nangyayari sa akin, ito ay dahil sa mga actions ko noon, mga actions ng isang taong hindi nag-iisip, isang taong pabugso-bugso… Anyway, she’s is still a part of my life, always will be… gaya nga ng lagi ko sinasabi…

I’m happy but I can be happier!

Timeline…

Posted: September 28, 2011 in From Me

Decemeber 2009
– nakilala ko sya, simple kaibigan lamang ang tingin ko sa kanya

– Binigya ko sa kanya yung choclate na bigay sa akin ni Darcy for my birthday, ayoko kasi ng Choco-Caramel, hindi lahat, yung iba binigay ko kay Ahyan.

– Kumain sa labas ang grupo, mukha sayang lalake!

January 2010
– unti unti ko syang nakikilala

February 2010
– naging close kami

March 2010
– may nararamdaman na ko at unti-unti ko na syang kinukulit

May 2010
– nung magpunta kami sa bahay, pinagluto ko sila ng Sinigang na malapot ang sabaw (dahil kasi dinurog na gabi), yung din yung time nung nalaman ni Shine at tinawanan ako

June 2010
– wala pa rin syang alam, pero inaaway na nya ako, ito rin yung time na una kong natikman ang lufet “BLOCK” at “UNFRIEND” sa Facebook.

-dito nila unang naramdaman yung Chocolate at letter na mala-kidnapped-for-ransom technique (buti na lang wala pang mga trigger happy sa phone cam, kaya hindi na-upload sa FB)

– dito na rin sya nakahalata

August 2010
– Team building sa Laguna and I dont want to go into details

September 2010
– Dress up day at hindi ko sya sinipot.

– I finally confronted her about my feelings and also the time na sinabi ko na may anak na ko a ibang babae… ganda ng timing noh!?!

– kulitan time… but I chose my daughter!

October 2010
– we continue being friends.

December 2010
– I gave her a gift she never wore.

January 2011
– we continue being friends, again… when I say friends means I feel her katarayan and meanness especially in FB!

February 2011
– the re-arranged keyboard after a day, I officially undibs…

May 2011
– my “Holiday in Goa” after that, i felt the darkest days (or months) in my life…

July 2011
– She forgived me and we stat talking again!

August 2011
– I gave her another gift that she never wore.

September 2011
– Finally, I’m unblock and friends in FB again… sa wakas! sana kahit man lang sa FB forever na.

October 2011
– Expect for the worse and hope for the best!