Archive for January, 2013

1. When you have forgotten someone’s name,simply say: “I’m sorry, but what was your name one more time?”. They may act offended, but when they give you their first name, you simply reply, “No, i meant your last name.”(more socially acceptable to forget). Bingo, first & last name.

2. Lift yourself a little off the toilet if noise is a concern & you’re having a particularly gaseous bowel movement. The volume will decrease at least 50-60%.

3. Instead of using Ctrl+Alt+Del to pull up your Task Manager, use Ctrl+Shift+Esc. Many contemporary systems have an extra screen with “lock computer”, “change password”, etc. for Ctrl+Alt+Del combination, but using Ctrl+Shift+Esc pulls up the task manager directly.

4. Match voice volume with someone you’re speaking with, if they speak fast you speak fast, if they speak softly you speak softly. It’s a subtle way to quickly become “in sync” with someone else.

5. If you make eye contact with a hot girl, don’t be the first one to break eye contact. It’s a game, & you will lose when you look away first. It takes some practice for this to not feel awkward, but a subtle smile can earn you bonus points. Also, in this day & age i think it’s safe to say that girls who expose their cleavage want it to be noticed. Take a glance or two but don’t be greedy.

6. If your shoes smell from foot odor,treat your feet, not your shoes.

7. Honesty is a virtue. You’ll gain more respect if you’re always honest with your dealings. Don’t waste your own time dealing with dishonest people.

8. If you were alive in 2006, you are one of the many recipients of Time Magazine’s Person of the Year Award. In 2006, Time Magazine gave “Everyone” the award while making their cover as close to a mirror as possible. Be sure you mark it on your resume.

9. If someone is attacking you from very close range & you can’t get away, never throw a punch. You may want to use your other hand to grab the back of their head & pull them towards you as you swing with your elbow. Otherwise, you won’t get either the hitting surface or the power needed to actually hurt them & no one likes being hit in the nose.

10. For essays with minimum page requirement, if you finish your paper & realize that what you wrote is a shy of the minimum requirement, Ctrl F your paper
& search for “.” and then change the font size of the periods from 12 to 14. They are the exact same size, but it causes the paper to be significantly longer.

11. Fast toilet cleaning: pour 20oz of coke(or sprite) into your toilet, let sit for 10 minutes, flush. The acid will clean your bowl.

12. Find a genre of novels that interests you & spend some time reading. It will expand your vocabulary & improve your grammar.

13. Default installations of Windows XP Home have an unpassworded administrator account. Press Ctrl+Alt-Del twice on the login screen & you’ll be taken to one where you can enter any username – put in “Administrator”, no password & you’re in.

14. Be selfless. Put others before yourself. Not only it is personally rewarding, it is often reciprocated. Be nice! Open doors for people. Let people turn when driving. Hold out chairs for people, etc.

15. & are the cheat codes for studying/working without distraction.

16. Be careful when someone asks you about religion. Few ask out of genuine curiosity; most who bring out the subject can’t stand the thought that others disagree with them, & feel the need to confirm that others agree with them & convert anyone who doesn’t. Either way no useful conversation will
result. A similar rule applies to politics.

17. If your drive stick & the battery is dead, get some friends, put the key to the on position, put the car in 2nd & push the clutch down. Have your friends push your car. When you get a decent speed going, let the clutch up(this is called “Popping the clutch”). Your car will start & you can drive around for a while to recharge your battery(provided nothing is wrong with battery or the alternator).

18. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, repeat until orgasm.

19. If you spill any liquid(red wine, juice, etc.) that will stain your carpet, pour some salt on it. Work it into the carpet – just rub it in with your hands. Leave it there for a few hours (for serious stains, up to a day), & vacuum it out. Voila, stain gone.

20.Make a woman happy & she’ll make your life incredible.

21. Cut negative people out of your life.

22. If you are driving an unfamiliar car & you don’t know which side the gas tank is on, just look at the little pump icon next to the gas gauge on the dashboard. The pump handle on the icon will be on the side of the tank.

23. 1st Date Cheat Code for Men: Never tell a girl where you’re going or how to dress. Instead, tell her to “Dress for a first date with a guy she really likes”.

Now, pick three places you’d like to go:
1. some place fun & active(bowling, pool, mini golf, go-kart racing, ballgame, etc.)
2. something romantic & classy(nice restaurant, upscale lounge, art gallery opening) & 3. something in between (nice bar, coffee shop, comedy club).

Now, when you pick her up, let the way she’s dressed decide which you’re going to do:
If she’s wearing something sexy & revealing(dress, high heels, low cut top, etc.), then she wants to go somewhere classy & romantic. If she’s sporting
some jeans, tennis shoes or flip flops, & a tee, the bowling ally or pool hall may be a good bet. If she’s wearing jeans, high heeled boots, & nice top or blouse, then she’s not really jonesing for the super romance treatment, & she put in more effort than mini golf deserves (eighteen holes of mini golf in heels…. seriously?), so a comedy club or some place with live music is a good choice.

And never, EVER, do a movie on the first date!

Men, you’re going to wear a pair of CLEAN, NEAT jeans, a pressed stylish down shirt , nice shoes(try to avoid tennis shoes or sneakers). Works for ANY occasion!

24. If you get brain freeze from eating cold too quickly, press your tongue against the roof of your mouth as hard as you can. Voila, instant brain freeze relief.

25. If you need to be sick for something publicly, eat about half a cigarette. You’ll get sweaty dizzy pale clammy & all around you’ll look & feel very sick. In about 20min after eating, you’ll aggressively vomit everything you’ve eaten & expel the tobacco that’s making you sick. A dramatic, but effective way to prove sickness.